L.O.V.E. Redefined After Divorce
“Sanskrit has 96 words for love; ancient Persian has 80, Greek three, and English only one. This is indicative of the poverty of awareness or emphasis that we give to that tremendously important realm of feeling. Eskimos have 30 words for snow, because it is a life-and-death matter to them to have exact information about the element they live with so intimately. If we had a vocabulary of 30 words for love ... we would immediately be richer and more intelligent in this human element so close to our heart. An Eskimo probably would die of clumsiness if he had only one word for snow; we are close to dying of loneliness because we have only one word for love. Of all the Western languages, English may be the most lacking when it comes to feeling.” - Robert Johnson, from “The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden“
Valentine’s Day is here, and we are bombarded by the word LOVE. This time of year, no matter where you are can feel very lonely for recently divorced, single men and women and for those who are facing challenges in their current relationships. What if we could use our greatest longings, loneliness, and challenges as roads to discovering a deeper love we maybe never knew possible after divorce? This is a fierce love which is defined as “I complete me” rather than an external person, place, or thing completing you.
You may ask, HOW?? I’m happy to guide you on a path that not only I have walked on, but I have helped many successfully navigate and flourish on.
4 STEPS to BE LOVE, Here & NOW After Divorce
L: Let go of Labels
Have you noticed any resistance or negative reactivity to Valentine’s Day, dating, or this word we call LOVE? Most likely your definition of love is tarnished and torn by pain and resentment. That isn’t love, that is a lot of undigested emotions. I want to invite you to actually pay attention to this rather than push it away. What if you take all the labels and definitions you have associated with love and allow yourself to let all of them die and be a part of your past. Why? By letting go of labels in the mind now, we become available to new and fresh experiences. Aren’t new and fresh experiences one of the many reasons you chose divorce? By letting go of labels we also allow ourselves to feel the feelings that need full digestion in order to release. The mind operates on fear and the heart operates through love. Our heart shuts down when we run to the mind for solutions which are only delayed distractions. In order for us to be able to see through the connection and love of our heart we must be able to disengage from the fearful mind’s chattering. This disengagement opens the door to allow ourselves to fully feel the emotions of the heart, so we can see clearly.
O: Open to Opportunities
Open to the new possibilities that live here in the moment. This second step is only available when we let go of the known labels of love and open up to the unknown and unexplored experiences that lay waiting for us once we let go. This is where we allow obstacles to be seen as our opportunities to transform our current crisis. Yes, this may take a courageous heart, and with that courage, great love comes rushing in. Through the powerful release found by feeling our emotions, we immediately transform what was an obstacle into an opportunity. This is the definition of success. Success that guides one from repeating the same cycle with partners over and over again like a hamster on a wheel, to opening up to new and abundant possibilities.
V: Value your Vibes
If you allow life to dictate your days, you will be thrown around by life’s up and downs which will leave you exhausted, stressed and fearful. You have a choice each and every moment. Our lives reflect what we value most. As you step into life each day, set an intention as a way to orient your life. Be centered and choose a value such as: love, peace, truth, gratitude, kindness, or freedom and allow yourself to be guided through life by flowing with this value. Whatever value you choose holds a vibration, a frequency that emanates from your actions. Every choice you make will be empowered with the vibrations of your value.
E: Embody the Energy
Start each day with your orienting value, so that as life’s up and downs arise you can bring an embodied presence of your choosing to whatever is happening in the moment. Every day you choose a value and then you empower it by embodying the energy of it. Pick your value such as: peace, love, grace, happiness, kindness, truth, gratitude, and then you create a mantra of intention such as “LET ME BE...” and embody that in each moment. This anchoring of sorts allows one to navigate more mindfully through life. In each moment, you choose friends and conversations that ALIGN with this value. When drama arises you clearly see it because it is unaligned, and choose not to go that way consciously. When we embody a value in this way we go from living mindlessly to mindfully. We fill ourselves up with LOVE by taking care of our own needs. This is how you start to live in this new space of being, and create a life of your own making that is guided by your most regarded values.
Allow this Valentine’s Day to be a turning point for you and L.O.V.E. These four steps allow you to align with a deeper value and fill you up with love inside. When aligned in this way you no longer need any outside circumstance to fulfill you. Rather you become full, powerful and abundant naturally.
Photo by Jez Timms